head over heels
by justpayingattention
Summary: Five things Gibbs knows and the one thing he doesn't.
1. Chapter 1

**first;**

" _She touches you and you light on fire. Your wrist blazes where her fingers meet your skin. The burns don't show, but it's hard to breathe with ash in your lungs. It's so hard to breathe. You're suffocating daily."_

* * *

He can feel the anger boiling up inside him and he's about to give this bastard a good piece of his mind, when –

"Gibbs, come on," she tells him firmly. "Let's go."

It's then that he realises that she's grabbed his wrist and suddenly, he can feel a new kind of flames licking at his skin. Consumed by the fact that she hasn't taken her hand away yet, he blindly staggers after her, praying that she doesn't let go.

When she does, a few steps later, his wrist tingles because she touched him, _she just touched him_ , and that thought starts to run in circles around his head.

He's unexpectedly quiet for the entire journey back to the Navy Yard but he doesn't even notice her surprise at this. He manages to bark out a few orders at DiNozzo and McGee when he gets back to find that they're both still sat there on their asses, yet when he sits down at his own desk to attempt to get some more work done and he just can't concentrate.

His anger at the suspect is justified as they scrape together enough evidence to arrest him, but he finds himself longing for her skin to brush his and a heavy ache starts to build up inside his chest when days pass and she hasn't touched him like that again.


	2. Chapter 2

**second;**

 _"_ _It hurts to watch her. She shines. She's brighter than the sun. She's too beautiful for your eyes. It's hard to look at her. It's even harder to look away from her. You're going blind."_

* * *

They're supposed to be heading off to this benefit in less than half an hour, and she still hasn't appeared in the squadroom yet.

In a way, he's hardly surprised as it's Abby who's getting her ready and with how close the pair of them have become since her first case as an NCIS agent, he suspects that they've gotten carried away talking again. Impatience begins to itch at him, so he decides to go down to the lab and at least attempt to hurry them along a little bit.

The sight that greets him when he exits the elevator is enough for him to almost drop the fresh Caf-Pow that he's holding and ruin his tux. She's certainly ready, but this.. This is something else.

They're both stood sideways on to him, and her head is thrown back in laughter at something Abby has just said. Her delicate features are lit up with mirth and the makeup she's wearing highlights every inch of her face in just the right way. She looks so goddamn radiant – hell, _perfect_ – that he forgets where he is and is completely unable to tear his eyes away.

He's not sure exactly how long he's been stood there like that, but some kind of sense comes back to him when she turns around and spots him.

"Gibbs!" She exclaims, causing Abby to look at him too and a look of amusement creeps onto her face when she notices the way he's looking at her new friend.

"She's ready, I swear!" Abby grins. "What do you think?"

He just about manages to pretend to look her up and down, his heart hammering in his chest. She's wearing an elegant black dress that is tapered to flatter her small, slim frame and he's rendered speechless for even longer. His gaze flits back to Abby almost immediately, as he's too afraid to look at her again because he feels slightly dizzy and as though he might combust there and then.

He swallows hard and nods, taking a few steps closer to hand Abby her Caf-Pow.

"You earned this," is all he's able to say and he tries to concentrate on the task at hand as he turns back to her again. "Kate, upstairs. We need that comms check before we leave."

He needs another few seconds to regain his composure, so he's out of the lab doors and hitting the button for the elevator like a shot, leaving both women stood together in a puzzled silence. He's tapping his foot almost nervously when he hears the doors open again and thankfully, as the sound of her heeled footsteps reach him, the elevator finally arrives. He hurries inside without so much of another look in her direction and when he's sure she's in there with him, he slams the button for their floor.

The ride up feels painstakingly long as he still can't bring himself to say anything else to her, partially because that would require looking at her and the last thing he wants is a repeat of what just happened when he first saw her downstairs.

* * *

Two hours later, they're separately circling the ballroom. He can't help being extremely grateful that Tony is in the van with McGee, as even though his senior agent is extremely competent, his initial reaction was exactly the same as soon as they walked back into the squadroom for the comms check and that thought alone sends a stab of jealousy through him.

However, it doesn't sound like she's in the room anymore, as the admiral that they're protecting seems to be out in the corridor and she's clearly hot on his heels. He finds his way through the crowd and outside in just enough time to see her round the nearest corner. By the sounds of it, she seems to have picked out their suspect as well, so he alerts the team that he's on his way and quietly catches up with her.

She's stood with her back flat against the wall, listening intently to the conversation going on around the corner a few feet away and his breath catches in his throat. Tony and McGee are feeding them info on their suspect when the conversation they're eavesdropping suddenly stops. Both men seem to be headed back towards the party and before he can even think about it, he's in front of her in a flash. He doesn't know what the hell he's thinking, but he leans in close and she looks at him, momentarily confused, before she realises what he's doing and wraps her arms around his neck.

Tiny pulses of electricity shock through him and he _can't stop looking at her_. She's that first sip of his morning coffee, the buzz of feeling acutely, intensely alive. And she's so fucking beautiful. He's desperate for more of the rush that he gets from merely being near her, so he shifts the slightest bit forward and is beginning to lose himself when he can feel her breath against his mouth.

He's just about to give in and finally get a taste of euphoria he's wanted for weeks, when the shot rings out and Tony is urging them both to "move in, _now_!"


	3. Chapter 3

**third;**

 **A/N:** I'm so sorry this has taken me an eternity to update! Training to be a primary school teacher has completely cut down my writing time (especially recently seeing as I've been on placement for the entire half term) and I hate that.

* * *

 _"Your ears are tuned to her voice. You could pick her out in a sea of thousands. Her voice makes the pretty singers who sing pretty songs sound dull. Her voice makes everything else sound ordinary."_

* * *

Six months.

Six whole months she's been at the agency and he's astounded himself at how already he just has to hear one word come out of her mouth and he automatically gravitates towards the sound of her voice. She could be sitting there at her desk reading the phonebook out loud and he would be utterly captivated.

Her probie period is virtually up and from the second he becomes aware of that, the worry that she's going to thank him and head back to Air Force One at any given moment frequents his mind far more often than he'd like to admit. Her voice is the honey in his tea when he's sick, soothing every fibre of his being when he hears it and making him so much better when he's feeling godawful.

He never, ever wants to give up that luxury of listening to her talk.

(Unbeknownst to him though, there will soon come a time where the silence that comes from the absence of his morning instantly being brightened when he first hears her voice is so deafening that it feels like it's slowly killing him inside.)


	4. Chapter 4

**fourth;**

 _"The colour of her eyes is deep enough to drown in. She is turning you into a clichéd love-wrecked being. you are drowning. Always sinking. Down. Down."_

* * *

He looks into her eyes and sees everything. All that has been, all that ever could be.

She just has to look at him and he loses himself there and then. He is head over heels and oh _God_ , he can't stand himself for it. He is powerless.

It's been there since the moment she started her first case with them. That feeling of complete contentedness, like he's finally found that piece of him that he hadn't even realised was missing before then.

He's always despised those stupid clichés and yet he's utterly unable to stop himself from becoming one of them. It's for that reason alone, he decides, that she must never know.

She must (never) know.


	5. Chapter 5

**fifth;**

 _"You know her. You love her. Through a thousand lifetimes. Across millions of stars. You'd find her. You'd never leave her. You love her. Til death do you part."_

* * *

He doesn't quite understand how, but they're having a blazing row right in the middle of Abby's lab. They're waiting for her to get back from her Caf-Pow! run and they're both incredibly overtired because this goddamn case is running the entire team into ground, and before they know it, one thing sets their tempers alight. Hurtful, almost insulting words escape their tongues like fireworks until they're breathless with anger and she's up in his face now, and the thought that her mouth is so close makes him utterly furious, this time at himself.

They don't know what they're thinking, what they're saying, but then he really does put his foot in it and she shrinks away from him, the sting of his remark hitting her hard.

He can't believe he just said it. The full extent of the damage he's caused wounds him, regret flooding his head. She's rooted to the spot, blinking hard and trying desperately hard not to show exactly how much he's hurt her.

He feels abysmal. Regardless of his feelings for her, he knows that it's no way for any senior agent to treat anyone in their team. She really does move away from him then, turning sharply on her heel and stalking towards the elevator.

He follows her as quickly as he can, placing a hand on her shoulder as the doors open.

"Kate, I –"

She spins to face him again, but the blistering look she gives him tells him enough. She goes to step inside and in a moment of insanity, it comes out. Quiet as a whisper –

"I love you."

She stops dead then, her posture softening for a second, but then her guard is right back up again and she gives him one last steely gaze.

"That does _not_ mean you're forgiven."

He steps back, letting her go inside and watches the elevator doors close in front of her.

He can't go back upstairs.

He can't.

The realisation that he's said those awful three words out loud to her crashes like a wave and he puts his head in his hands, drowning in a single thought.

 _What have I just done?_


End file.
